Nameless
by TrinaMarina
Summary: Soubi's first meeting with Ritsu, Seimei and Ritsuka.....please be kind this is my first fanfic. Pairings Soubi/Ritsu Seimei/Soubi Soubi/Ritsuka onesided Kio/Soubi
1. betrayal

Sensei called me to his office, that morning, it was something I wasn't anticipating, I wondered what he wanted, we hadn't had a lesson planned, none the less I came because it was him and I would do anything he asked me. He was dressed in black, it was so sombre, he had such a sad look on his face, I just wanted to comfort him, like he had done for me so many times, but he sat me on a chair in his office and told me to wait.

I was still in my uniform, he had dragged me out of a class but it didn't matter to me, there was no point my being in class, all of my friends already had their sacrifices, they didn't know what it was like being blank, feeling like there wasn't anyone out there for me, but then there was Sensei, I wanted to fight for Sensei, if I could chose a sacrifice it would be him, perhaps it will.

That was what I thought before that day at any rate, that was what i thought before Sensei said the words that broke my heart. "This is the day you will be given your sacrifice, a boy named Aoyagi Semei." At first it didn't even register, I think I must have just stared at him in confusion, what did he mean, there was only one sacrifice i could possibly want, surely he understood that?

"His true name is beloved, you are to become beloved's fighter." Beloved? How ironic, I had always imagined myself as someone's beloved, though not this boy, this Seimei.

"I'm sure you already know. But you're a blank fighter." How could I not? I was a figure of fun amongst all my class mates, I was constantly ridiculed and berated, but the thought of being Sensei's fighter gave me hope.

"Once the name is written it can still be cast off like a cicada shell. Since it is impossible to transfer ownership of a fighter after the name has been written, your sacrifice has was very carefully decided for you." That just makes the betrayal all the more painful, your so eager to get rid of me.

I stood up abruptly, unsure of what to do, feeling the chair crash to the floor behind me in the end I just stood, I clenched my fists and bowed my head, unable to look at him, wondering what I could have done to make him hate me.

"It was decided that the sacrifice would be the eldest son of the Aoyagi family. He is part of the seven moons." The words washed over me, what did I care who he was, all that mattered was that he wasn't Sensei.

"Also.." The pause made me look up, he looked uncomfortable, that same pained look I had seen earlier still present, "Semei wanted to have you." He wanted me? Why? He seemed to be the only one.

"Well he is a very influential person, which is very good for you." Good for me? Staying here would be good for me, staying with Sensei, that is what I most want in the world, Sensei was my master, he was my everything.

"He will become my master, won't he?" My voice was small, broken. His was so calm, but I could still feel meaning in his words, that told me he still cared about me, "Soubi-kun please don't talk that way I can't take it."

If he cared so much why would he do this, I wanted to know, but I couldn't look at him, so I hung my head, letting my hair cover my face, hidden behind a curtain of blond and spoke to him, desperate, urgent "But Sensei! You're giving me away! You want the name to be written! That's your decision!" Each sentence was an accusation and I didn't have to look up to know my words had hurt him.

He sighed, "Either way it's still going to happen." And that was that. Sensei's words where absolute, I let my fists unclench and picked up the fallen chair, shakily I sat down, my eyes still staring at the floor, "I see. I'll wait here like you asked me to. So please let me be alone." Being alone was the last thing I wanted, I wanted to be in his arms safe and happy, would I ever get that chance again?

"Because you are my best student I chose the best possible partner for you." He looked at me with his cold blue eyes, "Your also the cutest student."

"It's true!" I replied, always modest but what I wanted to say next was not going to be easy, "So... I... I always thought that someday you would be the one to write the name."

"I can't. You know I have a fighter of my own already." Is that what you where afraid of? Betraying your fighter? Though I felt sympathy for him, my words came out sharp and harsh, "Even though that fighter is dead?!" I scowled at him.

This time he looked down, hiding beneath a blond curtain "That has nothing to do with the the situation."

He turned, his back to me, "However Aoyagi Semei just might have a second fighter. If that is the case then the decision...."

"Sensei!" I couldn't take this any more, "I understand." Oh I understood, he didn't want me, he never had, all he felt for me was pity. "If he has me then he will become a very unique sacrifice. I know that being blank is just like being a spare for a dead fighter, I've also heard that there are hardly ever two fighers for one sacrifice. But it doesn't matter to me what the name is I will be loyal to whatever name is written." Don't worry, I'll do as I'm told.

A short, but unpleasant silence followed, broken by Sensei, "You know that because you are very smart. But you know being blank isn't always such a bad thing, there are so many possibilities." He made me want to scream.

"Who cares?! You're...you're afraid to write the name aren't you?!" Afraid of betraying your fighter. His voice was quiet but authoritative, "I'm not afraid Soubi."

The door opened, a boy stepped into the room, he was smiling warmly and had a mop of untidy black hair, with ears and tail still in tacked, he didn't look much older than fifteen, "Did you wait long?" He asked "I'm Aoyagi Seimei. Good afternoon." Sensei turned to him a look of slight annoyance on his face, "We're you eavesdropping?"

The boy's expression didn't change as he answered, "Well, I sort of overheard, I got nervous waiting outside the door.

Sensei looked at him oddly, "Aren't you supposed to lie about things like that?"

He turned to me with warm brown eyes and extended his hand, "Come here Soubi, looks like I'll be needing you." I never disobey my master, so I walked towards him and stood directly in front of him, towering over him, he was obviously younger than me and yet he was going to be my master.

I felt him place his hand against my collarbone and ask sweetly, "Shall I put the name here?" His hand felt strange, purely because we had known each other for a few minutes, it felt too intimate. He smiled up at me "It will be just like a necklace." He stroked my check with the same hand he had used before and said softly, "Soubi, I will give my name to you. Don't be afraid of me writing my name." Afraid?! I was terrified once I became 'Beloved', I could never belong to Sensei. "Don't be afraid of me owning you. Don't be afraid of me controlling you." Controlling...yes I want to be controlled.

His face became darker, more serious, "Love can be given up easily. Things such as love and hate can change in an instant. But something like control will last forever." Yes, Seimei control me, so I don't have to remember.... "Your heart, your body, your name and even your soul, I ask that you sacrifice them all to me."

So I turned my back on Sensei, unable to look at him one last time, though I felt his eyes on me, and just let Seimei take my hand and lead me away. His grip was tight as he led me outside into the pleasant summer morning, I let the cold breeze wash over me, through my hair, over my face, in a vain attempt to forget.

He led me into a small cottage, "No one will come here," he said, "So, let's talk." His tone was light, but his eyes had a curious glint in them, it was clear he had no intention of small talk, "What's the relationship between you and Ritsu?" Ritsu? How could he dare call Sensei by his first name?! I gave the answer that Sensei had taught me to give whenever Nagisa Sensei or anyone else for that matter came snooping, "teacher and student."

He looked at me skeptically, obviously disbelieving, "Apparently, this type of information has bot been recorded, but tell me, what was your first impression of Ritsu?" Why was he asking me this? Sensei was the last person I wanted to remember! Besides what a hard question to answer, it was so long ago now....

I had stood in his house, a small child at the time looking up at him, tears streaming down my face saying, "Why won't my mum and dad wake up?! I wanna go home!" He sighed bending down to speak to me, resting his chin on his hand, "Your parents are dead, if you can't understand that , then your a stupid kid."

I looked at Seimei, "I was six when my parents died in an accident, "Ritsu Sensei insulted me. But even so he took care of me, the first impressions we had of each other where terrible."

Seimei looked thoughtful, "That does sound like Ritsu."

He took out a small knife and began to sharpen it as he spoke, "You became such a powerful fighter because Ritsu was so strict, because that's how you where taught. Where there times were he was kind to you?" few times, but whenever he was kind it made me feel so happy, so...complete. "Sometimes...but I was still picked on all the time."

Why was he like that to me? Why did he constantly berate me? The thought filled me with chagrin. "That guy is really screwed up." I couldn't believe I had said that, what made me say it? Remembering..... remembering how Nagisa Sensei reacted, when I left Sensei office, one morning after we.......

Her face was so angry and she looked like a child with her hands on her hips, I thought she was going to scream at me, instead she shouted and ranted, "I don't believe this! Hey you. wait! What happened to your ears?! Your ears! Who is responsible for this?! I can't believe this! Who did something like this to you?!"

She grabbed me roughly by the arm and took me back to Sensei's office, making me wait in the doorway, as she marched in, in a huff just like a cross toddler, "Ritsu! What did you do?! He's only child!" Only a child? Was it that long ago? No more than a year surely? "What you did is just plain disgusting!" Disgusting.....no never, I could never find anything that gave me such pleasure and happiness disgusting.

"Dummy!" How childish "Look at it this way, you're only doing this because you think of Soubi as a replacement for his mother. Right?" What?! What was my mother to him? "If so, then you need to stop this!" Stop what? It only happened once, surely she could see that?

"Is it because you still have feelings for that woman?" What woman?! My mother?! Sensei had feelings for my mother? "Despite the fact that she dumped you!" She....dumped him? Sensei and my mother? Was I really just a substitute for my mother? That really was disgusting!

It was then that Sensei spoke, "I wasn't dumped, we simply decided to stop seeing each other." So there was something between them?! "She and I where merely coworkers." He said as if to answer my thoughts, "Besides that, we didn't see much of each other." Was he telling the truth? I so wanted to believe him.

"You liar!" Screamed Nagisa Sensei, "You seriously creep me out!"

I didn't know what to do as she stormed out of the room, I felt trapped, just like the butterflies that covered Sensei's walls, he called me into the room, pulling me close to him, we where about the same height so our faces where almost touching and I could feel his breath on the face, he put his hand to my cheek, I felt dizzy, "Your face is so similar to your mothers...." he breathed.

He pulled away and gestured for me to sit down, I sat down and glared at him. "I dislike remembering her. She is a very despicable woman." How could he say such things to me?! I barely knew my mother! "My reason for taking your ears was so that you would become my slave." I was always his slave, no matter what he did, or how he treated me. I had no choice. " I feel an attraction to what's inside of, rather than your face." And what was inside of me? A broken heart? "You will become the most powerful fighter." Of course I will, I had the best teacher.

Sensei stroked my face, my hair and said dreamlike "such a beautiful face, such beautiful hair, attracted to what's inside.......you really are the most powerful fighter."

Seimei finished sharpening the knife, I knew what was coming next. Without taking his eyes off the knife, he asked "As for Ritsu, do you love him?" What should I say, I was so confused, so unsure, "I don't know."

"It's not about love and hate. There is no one else." No one else?

"Look into my eyes." He said, I did, into there muddy depths, he frowned, "If you belong to Ritsu. Then your heart, along with your body needs to be overwritten, it would be so much easier if you were to be reborn." Yes reborn, make me yours. "Like a butterfly reborn from a chrysalis." Butterflies....I want to forget, I want to forget about them, pinned down, trapped in glass.

"Have you ever looked into a chrysalis?" He asked, "How a caterpillar's body will dissolve inside of the chrysalis and then the body of a butterfly is created, dissolving and then death..and finally being reborn." Yes, rebirth, that's what I want, to break free of the chrysalis.

He raised the knife to my collar, "Look away." he said. He began unbuttoning my shirt, "Would you like it to hurt? Or would you rather it not hurt?"

"Either way." What did it matter? My heart already hurt, maybe physical pain would lessen the emotional pain. " I think you would like it more if it hurt." Said the sweet angel faced boy, as if he had read my mind, "Pain..." he said "I want it to hurt, I like pain." He sunk in the knife.


	2. moving on

I felt I had to continue this fic, even if no one wanted to read it. I've tried not to go too OOC in this. Soubi is one of my favorite characters so I decided to base my first fic on him, besides I was inspired by the song 'Every you and every me' by Placebo....

"Carve your name into my arm, instead of stressed I lie here charmed'

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The minute the blade touched my skin...I was his, I never thought that I'd belong to someone so completely again as I had to Ritsu.

When I became Seimei's I didn't need Ritsu, I had a new master, a master infinitely more unforgiving than Ritsu.

But every time he punished me, I knew I deserved it, I wore each scar with pride, each cut was a mark of our bond and his ownership of me.

The day Semei and I met was the day I left school, age seventeen, luckily without my knowledge, arrangements had been made for me, I had a house, it was small but I appreciated it. I remember that while I waited for the house to be ready I spent a few days with my new master, he led me into his house, introducing me to his mother, who looked at my head and frowned, I understood, the lack of ears unnerved a lot of people, he took me to a spare room where I would be sleeping, on the way we bumped into his younger brother, only nine at the time, the spitting image of his brother, with bright brown eyes and raven black hair, that Seimei tousled as he walked passed, the boy was so happy and carefree.

Semei took me into the room and slammed the door behind him. His face darkened, "If ever you where to harm my brother, I would not hesitate in killing you, do you understand?"

In truth I lived in fear of Seimei, became for me an all powerful and all vengeful god, but he was everything I wanted and I gave my heart to him, broken as it was.

When I was old enough I studied art at the local university, I remember at first it was unimportant to me, but after time I found it relaxing, I painted similar pictures over and over, butterflies in reds and blues and pinks, a faint reminder of a long forgotten past.

In the mean time Seimei and I became a powerful pair, we won every battle we entered, we where beloved and there was nothing that satisfied me more than the small smile Seimei, my lord and master gave me at the end of each battle. We where merciless, we where invisible, we where Beloved.

Despite our constant fights and victories, my art didn't suffer, into my usual mixture of bright blues and pinks and reds, I added black's and midnight blues the colour of Seimei's hair and warm browns, the colour of his eyes. My professors and class mates loved my pictures more than ever. I even made a friend, though I was often cold and distant to those around me.

His name was Kio and he was a person, who under normal circumstances I would have hated. It was clear from the beginning he intended to become my friend and was incredibly persistent. In the end I gave in because he had the most beautiful tattoo on his back and it fascinated me.

I really did love Kio, I couldn't remember ever having had a friend before, but one day something bad happened...

"Sou-chaaaaan." He moaned one day, as we sat painting together, he held a chupa stick jutting from his mouth as usual, "Yes Kio."

"When are you going to invite me to your house, eh? Isn't that what friends are supposed to do?"

I sighed, "I wouldn't know."

He looked at me confused, not wanting to go into detail I answered his earlier question. "How about tonight."

He was around at the exact time I had suggested carrying a pack of beer under his arm, a huge grin on his face, I told him to come in and that dinner was almost ready, he sat down offering me a beer, before opening one himself, I lit a cigarette and began to smoke, it had began a habit of mine of late.

We where about to eat when a loud knock on the door interrupted us, befoe I could stop him, Kio, who was nearer, went to get the door. He opened it to find Seimei staring back at him, I appeared behind Kio. "Soubi." Said the voice that had complete control over me, "I'm very angry with you, you haven't returned my calls." Kio looked back at me, "Sou-chan, is he your b-?"

I interrupted Kio, I'm sorry Kio, you must excuse us, Seimei and I for a moment."

I led Seimei to my room and closed the door. "Soubi, he hissed, you do realize I can't let you go unpunished." I looked directly into his brown eyes, so reminiscent of our first meeting, "Yes, master, I deserve to be punished."

Seimei smiled, "Glad you see it that way."

It turned out that what he had meant to say to me was unimportant, but my master was a vengeful master and he punished me before taking his leave. For a while I merely sat studying the blood as it dripped down my arm, a sign of the bond that connected me to Seimei.

After a while Kio steeped into the dark room, flicking on the light, I tried to hide my wrist from him but I was too late. He gasped, Sou-chan!" he shuddered, "Did he....did he do that to you?"

I rolled up my sleeve and smiled at him, "It's unimportant."

"How many cuts do you have?" He asked in disbelief. "Are there more? Show me!"

I reluctantly rolled down my jumper at my neck, showing Kio the deep scars there and the name 'beloved', of course he didn't understand.

"We should call the police." He breathed.

"Kio." I answered slowly, "I wouldn't expect you to understand, these scars, these cuts are a mark that show the bond between me and Seimei."

"Your letting him...do this to you?!" Letting him? As if I had a choice, Seimei was my master, his word was...is law.

Kio looked at me in disbelief, "Soubi......are you some sort of pervert?"

I looked at his face, I didn't want to hurt Kio, the first emotion I saw on his face was disgust, but I also saw pity. "Kio.... I'm not a pervert." I said, "I would never let anyone do this to me.....except Seimei."

"Why him? Sou-chan is he your boyfriend? If he is, you shouldn't let him do things like that to you."

Seimei, my.....boyfriend? I could see how Kio could think that, "Seimei is my master, I am his servant, his slave."

"Slave? Sou-chan listen to yourself, you sound as though you have joined some weird cult!."

"I'm happy, relax." I smiled at him, "I'm sorry I hurt you Kio, maybe you should go home."

"Sou-chan, It's not me I'm worried about, you shouldn't let anyone hurt you like that."

"Kio, please go."

He nodded reluctantly, but before leaving he came close to me, looking into my eyes. "You would have been better off with me." He said, planting a kiss on my lips, he pulled away and left.

In the dark I placed my fingers to my lips. Kio...I had no idea.

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This chapter is a bit filler. Next chapter; Seimei leaves Soubi an important task


	3. lost

Ok, so before I continue this fic, I just want to thank loveless-girl68 for her review. I'll try to update more often, but it's harder now that the summer holidays are over :(

and it won't be long before I get stupid course work.....

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Things after that continued as normal for the next two years, apart for the fact that Kio took an even keener interest in my social life than usual and if ever he saw a cut on me, he would wince and beg me leave Seimei.

"But Kio, I don't have a choice."

"What's that supposed to mean? You always have a choice! Does he threaten you?"

He did but that was beside the point.

Fortunately I spared from having to answer any more of Kio's questions when my phone rang, I flipped up the screen, it was Seimei. I turned to Kio, "I better answer that."

"It's him, isn't it?!" I placed my finger to my lips with a smile, as I answered the call.

"Soubi." Said that powerful, controlling voice. "I need to come over for a while. We need to talk...alone."

I gulped, this sounded serious, Seimei's tone had a dangerous edge to it, Seimei was dangerous at the best of times, I wondered what had caused this change in tone.

"Soubi?" No concern, just confusion.

"Yes, Master." Kio scowled.

"Soubi, I'll be there in about ten minutes."

"Yes master." He hung up, I slowly closed my phone.

I turned to Kio, who was looking at me disgusted. I picked up his coat and handed it to him, he continued to glare at me. "Kio?" No response, hmm. "Kio, I'm afraid your going to have to go."

"If you think I'm going to let him anywhere near you..." He began.

"Please?" I asked and for good measure kissed him on the cheek, he was blushing when I pulled away. He sighed, "Fine." He turned to go, but said one last thing before he left, "I'll be back later though, do you think you'll have finished your little talk in an hour." I nodded. He left.

I felt guilty about forcing Kio to leave. I felt even more guilty about the kiss, knowing how Kio felt. I had no intention of doing anyhting else, I certainly had no intention of having a relationship with Kio. I need some one to control and that wasn't and never will be Kio.

I waited for Seimei, making myself a coffee in the mean time, trembling as I did so. I sat down, with the coffee in my hands.

Twenty minutes later, the coffee was cold and untouched and there was no sign of Seimei. I stared forward, at nothing in particular, imagining all the terrible things that could have happened to Seimei, when a knock at the door brought me back to reality. I rushed to answer it.

Seimei was standing there smiling, resting his arm against my door frame. I breathed a sigh of relief. "I kept you waiting." Said the young man in front of me, "I like to worry you."

He stepped into my living room and sat down on my sofa. "Soubi, I want a coffee." he said, smiling up at me. I obliged, making a cup of coffee, as I knew he liked it and handed him the cup, before sitting in the space next to him, I was surprised he let me sit there.

"Soubi, what I'm about to tell you is very important." I stared up at him, into his perfect chocolate eyes, I nodded. "I'm going to go and face Septimal Moon." My eyes widened, "I presume you'll be needing me?"

"You presumed wrong, I'm afraid, I do not require you." The words seemed unusually harsh, as if he meant to get rid of me permanently. "But...A sacrifice can't fight on his or her own."

"Trust me Soubi, this is one fight I won't be needing you for." How could he do this to me? Did you not know how scared I would be for him, he probably did.

"Seeing as I don't need you, you're probably wondering why I'm here." He paused and studied my face, perhaps gauging my reaction, he was still wearing his usual smile as he continued to speak, "If I die.." I clasped my hand to my mouth to stop the uncontrollable gasp about to escape my lips. He scowled slightly before continuing, "If I die, you will become Ritsuka's."

Ritsuka....it was a familiar sounding name. But what Seimei was suggesting was impossible, a fighter couldn't belong to two sacrifices. A tear fell slowly down my cheek at the thought of Seimei....dead.

He slapped me hard across the face in disgust. "I order you never to act so pathetically again in front of me." He paused and readjusted his smile, "Anyway, I'm sure you remember Ritsuka, my little brother, his real name is Loveless. In a few months him and my mother will be moving into the area and Ritsuka will be attending the local school, he will be twelve in December." An image of the boy came to my mind, a bouncy nine year old the spitting image of his brother, I had only seen him briefly.

Seimei flicked his neko ear in irritation. "Of course, he won't be like you remember him. When he was ten, not long after you last saw him, he lost all his past memories, he is different now." He paused 'But he is still the most important person in the world, I want you to remember that." I found that hard to believe, considering who was sat inches from me.

Seimei, stood up to leave and I couldn't bring myself to move, I was so heart broken, how had Seimei talked so calmly about his own death? He couldn't possibly leave me, could he? I heard the door shut behind him. Tears flooded down my checks, as I sat there in silence.

After a while, I heard a gentle tap on the door, in a daze I went to get it. It was Kio, as soon as he saw my face and that tears that clung to it his face fell, "Oh Soubi..." He began.

I placed my palm to my forehead, "I'm sorry Kio, I'm really tired, I'm going to sleep." I closed the door before he could protest.

A few days later, Seimei left me a message with details of Ritsuka's school and address, about a week later Seimei died.

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Hmmmm, that was a little short, but I will update soonish, only two more chapters left now...


	4. left behind

Wow, surprised that people added this to favorites, I promised to try and do regular updates, so the next one should be along soon....there's nothing I hate more than stories that you have to wait ages for.

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A scratch, already beginning to disappear ran from my palm to my elbow. I didn't want it to go, but it was gradually disappearing, just like the connection between Seimei and I.....

I ran the frayed silver line that had connected the two of us through my fingers, the fragile, broken bond that we once shared, I let it fall to the floor.

I needed something...solid to remind me of him, I reached up, stroking my hand along my throat, pulling of the bandage I often used to cover our name and stroked the scars beneath it.....Beloved..I smiled slightly as another tear rolled down my cheek.

I could have stayed like that for ever, in that dark room, I didn't want to eat anything, I didn't want to drink. There was nothing I wanted to do any more. Unfortunately I had a project to work on with Kio and I didn't want to let him down.

I rolled down my sleeve and put my bandage back on, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from my bedside table I got up and left.

When Kio saw me his jaw dropped and he nearly lost his chuppa. I wondered how I must look, my blue eyes where red and I hadn't brushed my hair in days. I had already begun to work on the painting and was crouched over a large canvas, Kio looked down at me uncomfortably, his hands in his jean pockets. "Soubi?" He whispered, I didn't respond. "I'm really sorry for your loss..." I doubted that he was, "but, it will good for you in the long run.." The paint brush i was holding snapped in two. He gulped, before continuing, "he...he can't hurt you anymore..."

I glared up at him, biting down hard on the cigarette in my mouth. I was about to shout at him before I saw the pain in his eyes, he really did care about me.

I hadn't told him about Seimei, he had read about it. The news papers meant that everyone knew, the pitying glances I got from those that surrounded Kio and I also told me that Kio had probably told the people in our classes what Seimei was to me, or at least what he thought Seimei was to me.

I remember reading about Seimei in the news paper. Seimei had burned. Burned to death in his brothers school. His brother Ritsuka, soon to be my new master. I hoped he was strong like his brother, if it weren't for the fact that I was feeling the same I wouldn't be able to comprehend how he was feeling.

There was nothing I could do, I couldn't go to the funeral, Seimei had made that very clear before he......

I turned back to the canvas tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"You know," Said Kio, slightly awkwardly, "i would be happy to pierce your ears for you." He was obviously trying to change the conversation, he often if I wanted to pierce my ears, I always said no, it sounded painful and I didn't want Kio to hurt me. If Seimei had offered to pierce my ears, even without ordering I would have allowed him, pain had connected us, bound us together. As a nameless fighter I had never dared to hope for a bond as strong as the one Seimei and I shared.

I remember a day at school, a day or two after I had lost my ears. Ever one was whispering about me, I didn't what they saying to one another until a boy came up to me, a smirk on his face, his name, 'Thoughtless' written around his wrist. "No ears? Just goes to show.... I always thought no one would ever touch some one like you! If your name does ever show up I know exactly what it'll be. Worthless!"

Worthless.....that seemed about right, I was nothing without a sacrifice. The words had hurt back then, but now, I felt numb, they fitted. It had hurt back then wondering if Ritsu really cared about me at all, now though I knew that he had never cared.

I stood up, to get another paint brush. As I reached to grab one, a delicate, slender hand took the one I was about t get. I looked up to a girl with short black hair and hazel eyes filled sympathy, she handed me the brush. "Kio told me about..." She started awkwardly. I took the brush and turned away without another word.

I walked back to my canvas. Kio was standing over it, a curious expression on his face. I stood next to him, looking at the image....butterflies, dozens of tiny butterflies, all twisting and turning in a pattern. Reds, blues, violets, pinks and the inevitable black, like a grim specter stalking the brighter butterflies.

I was reminded of a room where the walls where covered in glass cases. Hundreds of trapped insects, I never remember seeing a black one in any of the cases, they where all brilliant colours.

A tear trailed slowly down my cheek, "Why do they always leave me, Kio?" I whispered. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

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Awwww poor Soubi. Next time will be a really long chapter and it will focus on our favorite twelve year old, I decided to post both chapter and chapter 5 together, because wasn't letting upload chapters for a few days :( Sorry this chapter was quite short, the next one is much longer.


	5. a new master

"Beep! Beep!" It was 6.00am and my alarm had started to go off, though I was already awake. I checked my phone, "Today." I muttered, "I look forward to seeing you Ritsuka."

In truth I was apprehensive about today. I was worried about how the boy would react, it was his first day at school which was stressful enough. Surely though he knew about me, he would have found Seimei's will.."i leave my fighter to you." But what if he hadn't? What if he didn't know who I was? That wasn't the only thing that scared me either, I wondered how we where supposed to strengthen our bond, with Seimei the act of him writing his name across my neck had bonded us, with Ritsu...I had become his slave completely in one night. But I couldn't do either of those things, I couldn't exactly ask the young boy to carve 'Loveless,' into my flesh, as for the second choice he was only a young boy for God sakes!

"I order you to love him, I order you to protect him." A answer phone message, the last time I ever heard Seimei's voice. Seimei's orders are absolute.

I tried to distract myself, think of things to do. At 10.00am Kio called to say he was coming around for dinner, by 11.00am I had decided to leave the house.

I had no idea what time school finished, so I just stood there, leaning against the fence, no doubt looking very suspicious. I managed to catch the attention of a woman and ask, "Excuse me, what time do classes finish for this school?" The only school I'd ever been to was a boarding school, besides I lived with Ritsu Sensei. She looked at me oddly, wondering whether she should answer my question, "It's a Saturday so they finish 12.30 pm today." Hmmm another hour to wait.

"Thank you."

I pulled my packet of cigarettes out of my coat pocket and lit one. An Hour and half a packet of cigarettes later I heard the school bell ring. Before long children came streaming out of the building, some going to meet parents, others merely standing and talking.

I had a fairly good idea of how Ritsuka looked, but in amongst these children, none of them looked like Seimei. Suddenly I saw a black haired boy, with black neko ears and a long black tail, just like Seimei. His head was down and he was running, he was about to charge straight past me. Without thinking I reached out and grabbed his small arm.

He looked up at me, an expression of pure shock on his face. It was defiantly Ritsuka, his face was a rounder replica of Seimei and his large eyes where the exact same shade. Unlike Seimei, who was always smiled, Ritsuka's eyes where full of pain and it was clear he had been crying.

"What happened Ritsuka? Why are you crying?" He stared at me in disbelief.

"Who? Who's crying?" He asked defensively.

He tried to pull away from me, "I'm not crying! Jerk! Let go of my arm! Let go I said!"

I stared at him in disbelief, "You don't know me?"

"I'll be damned if I know! Let go I said!" He sounded angry and a little scared.

I bent down to his eye level and said quietly, "You didn't call for me, so I came to you instead." I smiled, for the first time in months, he looked so like his brother but acted nothing like him, Seimei would never act this emotional.

"Let go of me!" I did as he said. He turned on me his face full of fury, "How do you know about me! Who are you? A kidnapper? A pervert." So many questions, obviously a very cautious and sensible child.

I answered his question, after all he was my new master, "A fighter."

"Huh?" That stung a bit, Seimei had never told him about me? I decided not to lose hope. "You've never heard of me? From Semei?" His eyes widened, I wondered if it was the best thing to do to bring up Seimei so soon.

Apparently that had been the right thing to say, because he relaxed slightly leaning against the fence next to me, "Seimei's.......You're my older brother's friend?" Friend.....it was more than that, but I decided not to go into that yet,

"that's right."

"You're Seimei's friend? But you never came to our house before or I would've remembered." He obviously didn't remember, it was then that I remembered Seimei telling me that Ritsuka had lost his memory when he was ten.

I felt a gentle tug on my arm and looked down, smiling at the boy next to me, he was so cute. "Tell me your name."

"Soubi."

"Soubi, you came to meet me?" My chest felt warm when he said my name.

"Yup."

"Why?" His inquisitiveness made me smile.

He began to pull my arm, before turning to me, his eyes lit up and with a warm, pleasant smile on his once sad face, it was then I noticed a plaster on his cheek, what had happened?

"Say, do you have some time?" Time? For what? "Make some memories with me." Memories, a look of confusion passed over my face, I blushed. I reached down and ruffled his hair, just as I had seen Seimei do. I smiled, his smiling face was heartwarming, "Sure. We'll do what ever you want." He began to walk down the street, dragging me along with him.

We walked to the park, the trees where beginning to lose there leaves and the air was slightly cold. Making memories according to Ritsuka meant taking pictures.

First he wanted a picture of the two of us together, he asked two girls who happened to be passing by to take this picture on his camera. He was so sweet and polite.

When we where done taking pictures he took a seat on a nearby bench, inspecting the images on his camera screen, he looked delighted with the results, "All right! We took loads of pictures."

"Is this how you 'make memories'? I was having a lot of fun but also had a nagging worry in the back of my mind, how where we supposed to bond with such different names? Our names where like opposite.

His voice brought me back to reality, "That's right! Later, I'm going to have them printed out. Don't you dare throw them away, Soubi." As if I would, I would keep anything that reminded me of his sweet natured boy, so unlike his brother.

It was important we talked, found a way to bond, so I decided to try to get him to talk to me, "I'll be happy to have them but let's chat some more. Isn't that better than making memories?"

"No can do, you'll probably forget if there isn't a picture, so I better take them first. You'll forget all about me or that I even existed." Forget him? I was practically falling for him! "You must be joking! I won't forget you."

"Oh yes you will. But it doesn't matter I can't do a thing about it."

Ritsuka.....I understand it must've been so terrifying, losing all your memories like that, I understand why he wants to take so many pictures and it also makes me feel happy that he wants me to be part of that.

"There's no use in making memories with just anyone." So I wasn't just anyone? "But Soubi, you're a friend of Seimei's." Of course, Seimei was what made me special. "Taking these pictures ha great meaning for me." He wasn't the only one.

He looked up at me, his face suddenly concerned, he paused, "But I never expected..." His face reddened. "That Seimei would have an adult friend." Adult? I was only a few years older than Seimei! What made Ritsuka say that? I reached up and stroked my hair, oh. "Ah...the ears?" Or rather lack there of. Poor frightened Ritsuka, "It's ok I won't do anything to you."

Ritsuka.....a way for us to bond came to me then, Seimei's words came back to me, "I order you to love him." But there are many kinds of love.... If I could some how make Ritsuka my lover we could bond. I caught his face in my hands, his cheeks where so soft, his eyes so warm, his lips so small. I leaned forward and kissed him..softly.

After a few seconds, he pushed me away, "Soubi, you jerk!" Oh no. "You said you wouldn't do anything just now." He was angry and confusion, I smiled at him and took his hand gently in mine, "It's just a kiss."

"You said you wouldn't!"

I threaded our fingers together, "Give me your strength. From now on we.." I kissed his tiny hand, "Have to be bound by ties stronger and deeper than any couple." Yes the ties of a sacrifice and his fighter.

"Stop that!" He cried, blushing.

I had chosen my words carefully, with those mesmerizing words I would win Ritsuka.

He gritted his teeth, not looking at me he said "What do you plan on doing?"

But something had distracted me, I turned slightly, another fighter? Come for Ritsuka? Seimei had warned me about this. Fortunately they hadn't been counting on me so the fighter was younger, weaker and wouldn't be here for a while.

Ritsuka looked into my eyes, confused, concerned, "Do you mean sex?" He was unbelievably naive. I turned away from him, thinking about the other fighter, no doubt with their sacrifice. I answered Ritsuka's question, "Not now. I can't get excited for a child Ritsuka."

He bowed his head in embarrassment, "It would be freaky if you could! And my mum would flip if I lost my ears at my age.

A fighting pair...there was no way Ritsuka was ready for this, I prepared myself for the fight. "I order you to love him...." Seimei words are absolute.

"I love you, Ritsuka."

He gasped, "What the hell!?"

I laughed and smiled at him, "I love you." And I think I did, "I'll protect you. I'll do anything for you."

"Anything?" He was incredibly shocked, I was again reminded of how different from Seimei he was. "Anything, I'll give you everything." They where getting nearer. "My body, my heart, my soul, I'll give it all. I'll even throw my life away to fight for you." It was virtually worthless anyway. "So don't be afraid." I really do love you and wont let anything happen to you! I was about to voice my thoughts when he interrupted me,

"You say such embarrassing things!"

"I can say it because I control the words used in spells."

There was an ear splitting screech and someone shouted "Hey!" To Ritsuka and I.......

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Oooooooh, what will happen next! I was gonna make this the last chapter but I didn't want it ti be too long


	6. Breathless

I'm sooo sorry! I took so long to update! Thanks to everyone who reviewed and stuff. It's really flattering... considering I don't think that much of my writing. I would however like opinions.... should I just write up to the fight and after, then finish or should I go through the manga from Soubi's POV? Will mostly be sticking to canon events, with a few invented events and will try very very hard not to make characters too OOC........ in fact I'm currently sitting at my computer with a copy of Loveless volume 1 on my lap, listening to music and writing this...... enjoy the latest chapter..........xxx

:D

Note: Spell words are in italics

* * *

There were two of them, a fighter and sacrifice pair, I could see the thin yet strong bond connecting them and swallowed back my envy and jealousy, just letting the familiar feeling of numbness spread.

But they were so young, defeating them would be no problem. I would break them if I had to, if it meant saving Ritsuka, I would kill these little brats who still had their ears.

The fighter stared at me, a worried expression on her face, her sacrifice was standing in front of her protectively, a completely shocked expression on his face. I couldn't but smirk as I removed my glasses watching them doing it all wrong, the sacrifice was the one who had to be protected at all costs, I would have given my life for Ritsu, for Seimei, for Ritsuka.......

"Who the hell are you?!" It was the little green haired sacrifice, his neko ears perked up in alarm, he was almost sweet, where it not for the fact he wanted to take Ritsuka away. "Not the Loveless fighter unit?!"

"That's right." Loveless...... it was fitting, more appropriate then Beloved at any rate. Beloved....I would have to expose that mark.... my hands flew to my neck, fumbling with the bandage, but I didn't take my eyes off them.

His eyes widened, "You! You're still alive?! Soubi?!" So he'd heard of me.... of course who hadn't heard of Beloved? And it made sense that if Seimei did die at the same time Loveless mysteriously gained a fighter that was not his own it would be me. No doubt because of their knowledge this pair where Septimal moon's lackeys.

In one movement I pulled the bandage off, exposing the scars beneath, "I'm not handing Ritsuka over." I allowed myself to quickly glance at the boy in question, stood just to my right, staring transfixed at his brother's handy work across my neck and collar bones. I gently took his arm, pulling him closer. I had thought he would struggle but instead he reached out and gently pressed his fingers against the scars, in nothing more than a whisper, still staring at the marks he spoke, more to himself than to me, "Soubi...what were you to Seimei?" Ah....So at least the name was familiar to him.

I wrapped my arms around him and stared down at his blushing face that avoided eye contact at all costs, "I am the fighter unit of Beloved and now I am also yours Ritsuka." I was pulled back into reality by the shrill, panicky voice of the fighter of the pair, her face was a mixture of fear and disgust, "Stop saying that now! A fighter can never serve two masters!" I gulped, swallowing my bitterness,"Now that Beloved is dead you're going to serve Loveless? I won't allow it!"

Her words caused me more pain than I was willing to admit, so I just concentrated of the feeling a Ritsuka in my arms, his heart beating a rapid rhythm. I tightened my grip. "Ritsuka....Don't worry, I'll explain later."

I lifted my head, to watch the other pair, curious to see what they would do next, there was no chance that they would beat me. They were talking to one another, their eyes constantly on me, anger and uncertainty clear on their faces, it was the fighter who started the conversation, "Look at what he's doing! Midori let me fight! He has no shred of pride! Unforgivable!"

The sacrifice looked me directly in the eye, "We'll fight. Expected or not, it's our duty."

I smiled and reached out my arm, _"I declare a battle by word spell."_

The other pair got into position, the fighter in front, the sacrifice behind, "He's making his move. Go!" He said.

The scared, little fighter glared at me, her neko ears flat against her skull, _"I accept."_

My smile faded, I was always serious when I fought, concentrating one hundred percent, _"Begin automatic mode."_

"WHAT?!" Her eyes where wide and her face was bright red, "Automatic?! You mock me!"

I ignored her, _"Fighter systems engage." _ I felt Ritsuka's head turn, to see what was going on, "In auto mode.." I began to explain, "I can fight as a solo fighting unit, so now it's two against one."

"You piss me off old man!" That irritating fighter again. Old man? Hardly.

Her sacrifice stood beside her, ready for the fight, calming her down a little, if I had acted like that Seimei would not have let me get away with it. She turned to him, "Midori. Give me your hand." They put their hands together, palm to palm, it was a simple spell designed to strengthen the fighter-sacrifice bond, so why was it causing me so much discomfort? _"We are of the same soul. We share the same name. Breathless." _Breathless.... the name struck me as weak, though names where only as weak as their owners, the name itself, unlike most other words a fighter used, was trivial.

Though they where weak, I wasn't mocking them, I was genuinely concerned for Ritsuka, he didn't know how to fight yet. I promised myself I would protect him as I leant down, offering him final words of comfort before the battle, "You can just close your eyes."

Meanwhile Breathless where completing their spell, _"Breathless.... an intensity that will take your breath away. Fighter system engage." _They had hands both entwined, one set resting by their hips, the other at neck height, their very beings focused on one another.... just as a fighter-sacrife pair should be, their eyes where closed, their neko ears drooping.

They broke apart when the initial spell was complete, the girl, the fighter turning to me once more, "Let's go." She said, before casting the first spell, _"Rip. Tear apart!"_

Instantly I stretched out one arm, leaving the other holding Ritsuka, _"Full defense. None of your attacks can touch me." _

The little fighter was beginning to panic, "Four syllables already? He's deflected everything. A simple spell won't penetrate!"

I realized I had nothing to worry about and breathed a sigh of relief as she prepared to cast her second spell. _"Rend! Destroy!" _

Such a feeble spell, _"Useless, such crude spells won't work on me." _I smiled with the knowledge of my next move, _"Shall I attack now? If I do..... Midori will take the damage."_

The little fighters eyes widened as she stood speechless, it was the sacrifice in question who spoke, "Don't listen to him Ai! Don't you hesitate!" He stared at his hand and the mark there, "I'm your sacrifice! It's natural that I take all the damage in a battle!"

_"Of course it's natural. Ai is powerless to protect Midori."_

The fighter's face reddened and she grit her teeth. "Calm down Ai! Don't let him rile you. He's just a manipulator! Now the sacrifice was getting worked up too? This was just too easy!

I looked down at Ritsuka, he looked terrified! I picked up, pulling his light body in to my arms, he gave a small noise of protest that I ignored, as he wrapped his arms around my neck none the less, perhaps he was beginning to trust me. I looked back at Breathless, _"Retreat. You want to leave this place." _

"Hey! That's low! He's running away?!" I was no longer paying attention to who was saying what, I no longer cared, "_Off to a place where you can sleep...."_

"No way!"

"Wait a minute!"

_"Carried away like a pair of little birds."_

"Huh?!"

"Birds?!"

I smiled at them, "Yes birds. Isn't it so?" There was a blinding flash of light as Breathless where taken away.... on the air... like little birds.

Ritsuka had been staring at Breathless transfixed but now he spoke to me, not taking his eyes from where Breathless had been, "About retreating...? They disappeared..."

"Yup." I tilted my head towards him, closing my eyes, resting my head on his "I can improvise with the best, but there are still rules. Since I made the first declaration I can't retreat." I paused "Make sense?"

When he didn't respond I continued talking, walking through the grass, with him in my arms, the cool night air causing my coat to billow out behind me, it was so peaceful.... "So I had them retreat instead.......it's an arcane spell of banishment."

"D-does, " He stuttered, " Does that mean death?"

I struggled not to laugh, "What? No I just sent them back home." Where ever that was.

I sighed.... so peaceful, "Ritsuka, I love you."

"Wha?!"

I smiled at his alarmed expression, those wide, beautiful, chocolate eyes, "You're adorable."

"What the hell?!"

I looked up distantly, reflecting on this meeting, of the nature of it, of the nature of Ritsuka.... "Whenever you're in trouble, I'll always save you. Remember that."

Though I couldn't see him, I knew he was blushing, "Put me down."

I sighed, pressing my face against his hair once more, "Let me hold you just a little longer."

He was beginning to relax in my arms, so for a while we just stood like that. I was truly falling for him, for his smile, his blush, his eyes, those eyes that desire, those eyes that forgive everything.

After a while, I felt him move slightly, "Put me down."

I gently lowered him to the ground and walked away, not turning back. I'd see him again.

I walked out of the park, onto the street, resting against a street lamp, just smiling.


	7. one mistake after another

Yay! Another chapter, but only a baby one....

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When I finally made it home all the lights in the house where, except the one in the living room. Kio was sat on my sofa nibbling his lip, his typical nervous habit. He jumped up to glare at me, a mixture of concern and anger written on his face, as I came through the door.

I silently hung my coat up, before moving towards him. I smiled at him. before wrapping my arms around him, it was a dirty trick to stop him from being mad at me. After a few seconds he wrapped his arms around me and I felt him melting in my arms, all I could think was, 'Soubi, you bastard.'

I moved away from him and took a step back, "I'm sorry, I know you wanted to have dinner here tonight, with me."

He blinked a few times, before removing his glasses, rubbing his eyes and putting his glasses back on, "Where..where were you?"

"I had some things to take care of." I moved past him and headed for the adjoining kitchen, but he caught hold of my arm.

"Soubi..You can expect me to leave it at that! I mean, for months you have been dead to the world, totally silent, wallowing in your own misery!" I sighed, causing his grip to tighten, "From the way your acting now you'd think that Seimei was back from the dead...." He gasped at what he had said, his grip slackened, before he completely let go. I felt him wrap his arms around my shoulders.

"Kio." I said calmly,"Get off of me." He hastily moved away, arms around his waist, chewing his lip. I looked at him, glaring, though I kept my voice level, "I thought you where my friend, but I know why you're here and it's so pathetic... pinning after someone who could never possibly want you."

He gasped, speechless for a few moments and then, his eyes beginning to water, he finally answered, "At least I'm in love with someone living and someone who doesn't abuse me, at least not physically." He turned, heading for the door, slamming it shut behind him. I just stood staring at my feet, fists clenched, hidden behind a blond curtain of hair.

* * *

That night I thought about what Kio had said and what I had said, I was beginning to regret it. I lay awake that night thinking that maybe he was right, maybe I did fall for the wrong people. The feelings connected to Seimei though, where they love? Or was that just Kio's simplification of the complex relationship between a sacrifice and fighter? He couldn't understand, of course he couldn't. And what he felt for me was no where near as complex, just very sad.

And then there was Ritsuka, it was clear to me I was falling for him, more than Seimei, though physically they where similar with their chocolate eyes and jet black ears, tails and hair, in personality they seemed absolute opposites. Seimei had been about two years older than Ritsuka when I had first met him, but he seemed much older than his age, as did Ritsuka, he had this sadness about him, so lonely, that made him seem cold and unreachable but made me love him even more.

Ritsuka.... as I lay there, waiting for sleep I sent a silent message to him, though I knew it would never reach him. I hoped he would return my sudden and surprising feelings, feelings I thought I was incapable of, hoped he would grow to love me and that our bond would grow to that of a normal sacrifice-fighter bond and I wondered how this little replica of a boy, or rather man, who used me, who was never truly mine could leave me breathless.....

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I felt that this chapter was a little cheesy, but I felt that I should reward your patience with an extra one. Thanks for reading, don't forget to review and tell me if I should continue....


	8. my reason

Yay, finally a new chapter! Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I feel really mean about what happened to Kio last time but.... smeh...

Enjoy this chapter!

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I should be dead. But Seimei kept me alive, through my fear of him, through my worship of him, through my.....love...of him? It doesn't seem right. The last person I allowed myself to fall in love with betrayed me. When Seimei died it wasn't the same, I didn't feel sorry for him and I didn't miss him...as such, but I felt incomplete, with no one to control me, I was nothing, like a musical instrument, with so much potential with the right master, alone nothing more than a useless object.

Seimei's orders kept me alive, but Ritsuka makes me want to live, Seimei's orders where necessary, I'm eagerly awaiting Ritsuka's.

But this is happening too fast, I'm falling for him too fast. I'm going to get hurt, again, and once more I will deserve it. Beloved....how ironic, I have never met anyone less loved and Ritsuka and I are almost opposites not just in names but in personality, he's so much stronger than me, exactly what I need.

***

And so, I found myself back there, once more, standing in front of the school, with a cigarette hanging from my mouth, Kio always to tell me that they would kill me one day, I just figure that a fighter's lungs may well have the healing capabilities of the rest of their bodies... and if they don't.... what does it matter?

This time I knew better, I avoided waiting for hours and it's wasn't long before I saw Ritsuka, why does he look so sad whenever I see him? He was walking carefully, his head angled, so it become apparent that he was talking to a girl, she looked too old to be in his school, so tall and.....busty..... but he was walking away from her, clearly she wasn't a friend, though her expression was sad rather than that of a bully.

He looked up, saw my face and blushed. I smiled, he really was adorable, though he was still wearing a plaster on his face, I would definitely find out about this. His eyes where fixed on my face and when he spoke, it was quiet and almost in awe, "Soubi..."

"Hello Ritsuka, I really missed you." It was completely and utterly true.

The girl, who had finally managed to catch up and who's cheeks where flushed as pink as her hair, stared at me unashamedly, her mouth dropping open, her eyes widening. Ritsuka ignored this, looking away from me and fishing something out from his bag, as he did so he was talking to me, "I knew I had to bring these for you....if I ever saw you again that is." If I had still had my ears they would have perked up, sometimes it still, even now, feels weird to be without them.

Still looking away, he handed me the envelope he had just pulled from his bag, "Um, I brought.."

I turned the envelope around in my hands and carefully opened it, Ritsuka's smiling face stared back at me, as well as my own, though the smile on it was so alien to me "Oh yes, the photos. Thanks for developing them , I'm glad to have them, they're already precious to me." Another blush, my smile widened.

The girl was clearly less cautious than Ritsuka, she was bobbing around excited and asking question, her manner of speaking was as lacking in subtly as her actions, though she certainly seemed amusing. "Ritsuka kun, who is he?" It was as if I wasn't standing right there, she had the simple honesty of someone much younger. "That adult , who is he? Who? who?"

I tucked the envelope into my pocket and turned back to Ritsuka, who was still avoiding my face, his eyes on my chest, he looked as though he could cry. I wanted to hold him, he looked so vulnerable and it scared me, I was scared for him, such vulnerability.... he was in danger. Without blinking he told the girl to mind her own business.

He looked up, just left of my head, "Free right now?"

I felt my heart skip a beat and gulped, "Of course." Another smile, I wondered where they had been hiding all these years.

He looked into my eyes at last, but he was frowning, "Let's go then. It's time you told me about Seimei."

Seimei....of course, I bit back my disappointment, but before I could respond the girl threw herself at him with a cry of Ritsuka-kun! Much to the embarrassment and confusion of Ritsuka.

"Please don't leave with him!" Perhaps she was sharper than I'd realized, I panicked a little. "No one's at Yuiko's house; Let's all go there!" All? Suddenly I understood, she just wanted to spend some time with him, I had to smile at that, she seemed like a nice girl, at least she cared about Ritsuka. "Yuiko's a latchkey kid!" She announced proudly, I laughed. She stood up straight, no longer crushing Ritsuka, looking between us expectantly, finally settling in me, as I was the 'adult', but then back to Ritsuka when I looked at him, she looked down, as if slightly embarrassed, "How about it? You'll come? Come on! Say you'll come! Ritsuka-kun!"

He growled, "Okay already!"

On the way to the girl, Yuiko's house, we stopped at a shop, to pick up food, she explained, as she wasn't allowed to cook anything. Her and Ritsuka where keen to eat fast food, while I was reluctant to let them do so. I felt strange telling them what to do, but I wanted to cook for Ritsuka. I wanted to do something for him.

When we reached Yuiko's house, I opened up the cupboard, to see what I could make, Yuiko noticed what I was doing and her ears drooped "But Yuiko's mom and dad don't allow her to cook without them there! Yuiko can't even use the stove."

"Oh?" I pulled a few things out and placed them on the counter, "It'll be fine as long as we clean up really well."

Her ears perked up and she smiled a little, "Ahh...are you...?"

I moved to the fridge and opened it, hearing a low growl behind me and turning slightly I saw Ritsuka and he looked angry, it reminded me of our kiss.

"Don't be a bad influence of her!"

"Bad influence?" Why did my voice sound so weak?

"Teaching her adult things!" Adult things? I can't remember ever thinking like that when I was a child, but then again I had lost my ears when I wasn't much older than him.

I regained my cocky attitude, a new feature of meeting Ritsuka, apparently, and smiled at him, "What's worse? Letting a stranger in... or using the kitchen?" I wondered what had come over me, I wouldn't have dared to speak to Seimei like that. Ritsuka's ears drooped and I heard Yuiko ask him who I was as I turned my attention back to the fridge, putting yet more things onto he counter, all Ritsuka could tell her was my name.

I stood up and smoothed down my clothes, placing the last item on the counter. Ritsuka glared at it and wrinkled his nose, "There's no way I'll ever eat burdock. Hear me?"

Apparently Ritsuka was easily angered, unlike Seimei who was calm and vengeful, I preferred it Ritsuka's way, I knew what to expect more. I scratched my chin in mock concentration and saw Ritsuka's mouth twitch into a half smile, for just a second, I narrowed my eyes, "So what will you eat then?"

"Big macs."

I restrained myself from laughing and tied back my hair, as well as fetching an apron before I started cooking, "But if you don't eat better than that, you will be unable to train your senses. Ritsuka plopped into and chair, looking at me quizzically, as Yuiko scratched her chin and asked what I meant.

It turns out that Ritsuka doesn't enjoy eating much, I understand, I can only enjoy food when I am happy and I am rarely happy, but I wanted to teach him the importance of training your senses, "Your tongue feels the food, your nose smells it." I paused, making sure I had lost Yuiko's attention, she was trying to find a good channel on the t.v, "The tongue is a sensitive organ and it hurts a lot if it's bitten."

Ritsuka wrinkled his nose, "Who'd let their tongue get bitten! How revolting!"

"You think so?" I smirked, "It might feel good."

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To be continued!


	9. my sacrifice

I really should be doing RE homework! Oh well, another chapter, enjoy... This is small, but I wanted it to have it's own title.... there's more really soon!

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When the food was done, we ate and I was surprised and relieved when both of them seemed to enjoy it. I walked Ritsuka home, putting my arm around him when he shivered, wanting to give my scarf, but not daring to, incase I scared him, he said he wasn't cold, but it was a lie.

But of course he wanted to know more about Seimei's murder and or the first time in years, all I wanted to do was forget about Seimei and for him to forget about Seimei, but I didn't understand.....and I made a mistake, I frightened him. "There's only one person who can take on Seimei's murders and that is me." I felt his small body tense, against my arm and looked down at his large, startled eyes, "I'll do it. Ritsuka. I'll kill them...because I love you."

He was angry again, "So you know, don't you? Who Seimei's murderer is?! I'm right aren't I? Aren't I?! Tell me!"

I bowed my head, unable to look at him, "Have you looked for Seimei's will yet?"

"His will? You mean....you mean there's a will? Where?!"

"The enemy must use words to battle, a team needs two people to work: A fighter that's me...." _The enemy must use words to battle, a team needs two people to work: A fighter, that's you Soubi-kun...._Get out of my head!

"And a sacrifice that's you Ritsuka." _And a sacrifice Soubi-kun, but I'm afraid that for you there is no one... _"It's the sacrifice's job to absorb damage received by the fighter during battle, if the sacrifice goes down, then it's over for the team." _Without a sacrifice you are nothing, Soubi-kun. _I'm sorry Ritsuka."It's hard and very painful. Can you bear it." My eyes where watering, "Can you bear it, no matter how much it hurts Ritsuka?"

He bowed his head in a mixture of rage and anguish, "Sure I can. I always do."

Ritsuka went home on his own, but I'll see him again, I won't let anyone hurt him.


	10. his fighter

Yay! Another chapter. I'm afraid I'm unlikely to keep this speedy updating up though..... although reviews are motivating....

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I went to him and I waited outside his window, I knew it was his room, because he was there and he looked.....frightened. I was lucky there was a balcony. He looked very surprised, but he let me in none the less. His mother... Seimei's mother was thumping against his door, shouting nonsense....screaming, I started to see Ritsuka's wounds in a new light and felt the need to hurt the woman, "She's irritating, want me to calm her down?"

He wasn't really listening, he was hunched over his computer eyes glued to the screen, I was surprised he had one, his room was pretty basic, "It's just my mom."

I had realized this, "What do you want me to do?"

He was too busy concentrating to get very angry, but I could still see it.. a little.. in his face," She's my mom, Seimei's mom. You don't need to do anything to her, okay? Forget her." He turned his full attention back to the screen, muttering to himself, "Is this what I'm looking for?" The mouse hovered over a file entitled Ritsuka, "Crap! He locked the folder. I gotta remember the password..." Though I doubted it was a case of remembering, Seimei was unlike to have told anyone that password, it just had to be something that Ritsuka would know.

He hesitated before typing Beloved into the keyboard. He swore at the screen, it hadn't worked, what would have Seimei have picked? I pulled a cigarette out of my pocket and then my lighter, as Ritsuka froze, before asking me, without taking his eyes of the screen, "Soubi?" Panic in his voice, "what's my real name?"

"Your real name is...." Of course, Seimei loved only one person.... and ironically it wasn't Beloved, or rather the person formerly known as Beloved, "Loveless."

"That's horrible! Who the hell decided that should be my name?!"

I jumped, people usually loved there names, it made it hard for me as a blank fighter, I was almost glad that Ritsuka hated his name, after all he wasn't without love.

I took a long drag from my cigarette and smirked, "Who indeed? You're not the only one who wants to know," There is s much I don't know about Septimal Moon. "I do know that it was determined before birth." He has no option, no choice, just like fate and I thought I would have a choice... as a blank fighter, but it was just an illusion.

His voice thankfully tore me from my thoughts, "Good! I'm in!" He began to read the words, the last things that Seimei had left him and I refused to look, I knew what they where about and I didn't need this painful reminder of Seimei or his orders, I wanted to pretend for a second, that I was doing this for Ritsuka alone and not for Seimei.

I knew Ritsuka had finished when his ears flattened against his skull and he began to shake with fear, or rage and I just stood there, because without someone else I am nothing. His voice shook like his body, "His....his fighter?" He turned to me....so it was rage, "What's he talking about?! Soubi?!" This scared child is my new Master, "Are you only hear because Seimei told you to find me?!"

No because I love you, "Yes."

This trembling voice is the voice of my Master, "But you...said...you loved me! Said it again and again!" Ritsuka....could it be that you have fallen for me?, "Why?! Just because Seimei told you to?!" I love you, "Soubi! Give me an answer!"

I wanted to cry, "You're right." I always followed Seimei so blindly.

He gasped and his eyes widened, "So Seimei 'ordered' you to love me?!"

My face was emotionless, but my heart was breaking, "Yes."

He bowed his head, closed his eyes, I bowed mine in response, the usual blond curtain covering my face, "And you always did everything he told you to do? You could do that?"

Could it be that he was beginning to understand? "I can and I did. His word was absolute." It still is, " And it's your orders that I now obey. It's what Seimei wanted."

"Then here's my first order!" I could the tears in his voice, "Don't love me!" It's too late, "It's not right!"

I looked up, desperate for him to understand, "But I do love you."

"Shut up! I won't listen to this!" Tears where dripping down his face.

I held back my emotions, like I always did, "Even so, you need me to fight for you. Don't cry."

His eyes opened, but he was staring at the floor, "I'm not!"

I wanted to hold him, kiss him, protect him, be his fighter, take away his pain, but I didn't know what to do, I know he's beginning to love me and no one has ever loved me back, it's always one sided. So I walked away, but I will return. He needs me and I need him.


	11. redemption

More! Just two more chapters(including this one) and then there will be a bit of a gap : ( but I really do love reviews!

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I went home and there was someone on my doorstep, wrapped up in a coat, barely awake, it was Kio. I stopped, to my right the next door neighbors, an elderly couple where approaching their front door, to the left I cat was grooming itself through someone's window.

Kio stood up, "Soubi..." I couldn't remember the last time he called me by my name, "I regret and I hate everything that causes you pain.." There where tear tracks on his face, "Especially when it's my fault... because I love you..." He sighed, "But I think you know....and I know you don't love me.... but perhaps a boyfriend....or even a girlfriend..." He cringed a little and I laughed, causing him too smile, if only a little, "...Is not what you need right now. But I do know that you need a friend and I....want to be whatever you need me to be...so I will happily be your friend..." He gulped.

I smiled, "I'm sorry I was cruel to you Kio, you are a good friend..."

"And now... that's all I will be.... but don't expect me to stop flirting with you."

I laughed and pulled him into my arms, just me and Kio, just two friends hugging. But of course there will always be that part of him...I knew it was there, the way he rested his head on my shoulder, like he wanted comfort, protection, love, if only he knew this was what I wanted to give to someone else....

I pulled away, "So how long where you out here?" I unlocked the door and later that evening after a mug of tea he fell asleep on my sofa, so a pulled a blanket over him and went to bed and I was surprised that I slept well.


End file.
